"It Whispers, So Listen"

“It whispers, so listen.” A teal band around my wrist bears this quote.

September is National Ovarian Cancer Awareness month, and though we may hear little about this disease in the national media, the truth is that ovarian cancer is the leading cause of gynecological cancer deaths in women. The symptoms of ovarian cancer are often times vague, mimic symptoms of menopause, or present long after the cancer has spread beyond the ovary and into other parts of the body. In these cases, the cancer is much more difficult to treat successfully. However, for those lucky enough to “catch” the cancer before it spreads, the chance for recovery is 85% - 90%. Because it is difficult to diagnose in its early stages (only 24% are diagnosed when the cancer is confined within the ovary) it is imperative that women take a proactive approach to their own gynecological health.

All women are at risk, but few know what to look for. Contrary to what many women believe, an annual pap smear does not screen for ovarian cancer. In fact, the number of ovarian cancer cases diagnosed during an annual exam is extremely low. Symptoms of ovarian cancer include abdominal pressure or bloating, urinary urgency, pelvic discomfort, changes in menstruation (for pre-menopausal women), pain during intercourse, low back pain, fatigue, trouble eating or feeling full quickly, and persistent indigestion. These symptoms may seem trivial, and it may be very easy to attribute them to aging, however failing to talk to a doctor about them could be a mistake with grave consequences.

So what can you do?

First, know your risk factors. Although youth doesn’t make a woman immune, ovarian cancer isn’t as common in women younger than 40. Most cases of ovarian cancer occur after menopause, and most of those cases are diagnosed after the age of 63. Some studies also suggest a possible relationship between obesity and the development of ovarian cancer. One study from the American Cancer Society found a higher death rate from ovarian cancer in obese women. Long periods of uninterrupted ovulation also increase a woman’s risk of developing the disease. In other words, for every pregnancy, a woman’s risk is lowered. Use of oral contraceptives (that suppress ovulation) can also decrease a woman’s risk of developing ovarian cancer. Hormones taken to treat such issues as infertility, endometriosis, and menopausal symptoms may also increase a woman’s risk. In addition, a woman’s family medical history may also play a role in her risk of developing ovarian cancer. A family history of ovarian cancer, breast cancer, or colorectal cancer may suggest an increased risk of ovarian cancer.

Second, talk to your doctor. No symptom is unimportant. My mother-in-law once spoke to her general physician about a pain she’d been having in her side. This led to a chest x-ray and other tests that diagnosed a malignant tumor on her kidney. She was able to have the cancer removed surgically, before it spread, and required no treatment afterward. Although she did not have ovarian cancer, her experience with early diagnosis illustrates the need to talk with your doctor about whatever symptoms you are experiencing. So speak with your doctor about your potential risk factors for ovarian cancer, and about any symptoms you experience that cause you concern. Ask your doctor about what you can do to decrease your risk of ovarian cancer. Ask your doctor if a blood test or ultrasound might help you discover what is causing your symptoms. Be persistent. Be vigilant.

As I write this letter, my grandmother, Mildred Pierson, is battling a recurrence of ovarian cancer. Her sister also battled the disease successfully several years ago. The women in my family knew relatively nothing about this disease until it affected us so profoundly. So for all the women out there who are unaware of ovarian cancer and its dangers, please take this opportunity to learn more. There are a many websites that can give you a wealth of information (www.ovarian.org, www.ovariancancer.org, www.ovariancancerawareness.org, and www.wcn.org just to name a few). Observe National Ovarian Cancer Awareness Month by educating yourself and making the decision to be actively engaged and proactive in your gynecological health.

Ovarian cancer has been called the “silent killer”. The symptoms are so vague that it is difficult to diagnose early. The disease “whispers” its presence in the body, so women must listen carefully.

“It whispers, so listen.” So reads the teal band around my wrist, and so says a small voice that is always in my mind.

Fingernails and Make-Up... What's the real story?

I’ve recently begun to feel the need to clarify something about myself… about women in general.  Let me begin by saying that though I believe all women are wonderfully unique, in many ways we are very similar.  And while it is true that clothes, make-up, hair-dos, fingernails and the like can sometimes (for some women) cross the line into vanity, I believe that most women are anything but vain.

 

In this regard, I feel like a fairly typical woman, and I hope that by speaking for myself I can speak for the majority of women.

 

I own a few kind of hair products… shampoo, conditioner, anti-frizz serum, a flat iron, a hair dryer, and hair spray.  I use cosmetics… foundation, blush, eye shadow, etc.  I use them all on a fairly regular basis.  I have several pairs of jeans (I’ll admit, jeans are my weakness), along with various shirts and slacks that I wear to work.  I love flip-flops.  They are comfortable and I like they way they make my feet look. 

 

Every couple of months (or longer if I’m really busy… which is often) I get a hair cut at the beauty salon.  And twice a year, I get my hair colored.  I love my stylist. She’s a really cool chick and we have fun visiting while she does my hair.  And she’s great at her job.  I always walk out of her place feeling like a million bucks.

 

I also get my nails done.  A few pedicures during the summer, when I’m regularly wearing my beloved flip-flops.  And I go through spells where I keep acrylic nails on my fingers.  Sometimes the hassle of going in to have them maintained every other week gets to be too much, so I quit for a while.  Then, a couple months later, I get tired of my hands looking like they’ve been through a meat grinder, and I go back to the nail salon to get them done again.

 

All this makes me sound pretty high maintenance, huh?  Makes me sound like a vain, superficial woman who’s self-worth is wrapped up in her appearance.  Well, guess what?  I’m not vain.  I’m not superficial.  And my self-worth is absolutely not wrapped up in what I look like.  I am, however, a woman, and just because I don’t need all the trappings of beauty to know I’m valuable, I do sometimes need to feel attractive.

 

Herein lies the issue for me, and I’d wager to guess, for most women.

 

Most of the time, I don’t feel pretty.  I feel like a fat cow with a perpetual bad hair day.  I feel dull and plain… like that unattractive woman who never has time to really worry about her appearance because she’s too busy getting the kids ready to leave the house.  That woman who’s run ragged by her job, her school work, her family situations and just can’t spare the time to make herself look nice.  The woman who doesn’t have time to do much else besides make sure her clothes are ironed and she remembered to put deodorant on before she heads to work or school.  We take care of our families; we take care of our job and school responsibilities, and we forget to take care of ourselves.

 

Yes, in my head I know that I never look as bad as I imagine I do, but that means nothing to my heart.  To the heart of a little girl that still beats inside me, wanting affirmation and approval from the outside world.  This is not an easy admission for me, but it’s the truth.  Inside of every woman, is the heart of a little girl who wants to be beautiful.

 

We’ve all seen those little girls.  They come to church all dressed up in their frilly dresses… hair all done up with a bow.  Sometimes mommy might even put a bit of lip gloss on her and paint her fingernails.  And she feels beautiful.  And when she prances around in front of you, clearly wanting your approval, you give it, right?  You tell her how beautiful she looks.  You’d never dream of ignoring her, or giving her a benign compliment like… “You look fine”.  No way.  We affirm that little girl.  We give her the huge approval she’s looking for.

 

Well, the heart of that little girl never goes away, and women never really outgrow that feeling.  Maybe it becomes a little less important over time, but as we grow and mature and take on responsibilities like jobs and families we lose a little bit of ourselves along the way.  And perhaps the flat irons, the make-up, and the pretty fingernails are our way of reclaiming a little of that innocence and joy.

 

And maybe, just maybe, we’re looking for a tiny bit of affirmation from the people around us.  Maybe, just maybe, we want to feel beautiful again.

 

So nowadays, I go to the nail salon every other week.  And for about an hour, someone else takes care of a small part of my appearance.  And a small part of me looks beautiful and perfect.  And I feel a little bit pretty.

 

Because most of the rest of the time I don’t.

 

And trust me when I say, it has nothing to do with vanity or being worldly, and everything to do with being human and female.

Resources... What would we do without them?

This past weekend I attended the KYRW Spring Into Writing workshop, sponsored by my local RWA chapter, Kentucky Romance Writers.  It was a fantastic event, full of camaraderie and information that helped fire my creativity and inspire me to get back into the “swing” of writing.  Our morning session, with the fabulous Alicia Rasley, dealt with characterization, and how knowing our characters inside and out can help us define our story.  In the afternoon, my good friend and fantastic author, Teresa Reasor, treated us to a session on “StoryBoarding”, a system of visual organization that can help keep your story on track and balanced.  Maddie James, another talented Kentucky author discussed the art of writing dialogue that both “fits” and also “sparkles”.  The differences between e-publishing and print publishing were outlined by our very own Anya Bast, who has been successful in both forms of publishing.  Leigh Collett, CEO of Resplendence Publishing discussed market trends and also gave us some “dos and don’ts” to consider when submitting for publication.

 

Yesterday, my mailman was very good to me.  I received my May/June issue of “Writer’s Digest” and my April issue of “Romance Writer’s Report”.  As it happens, it seems I hit the mother lode of “good stuff” in these magazines.  I found articles that detailed the qualities of successful writers, crafting a sexy hero without relying strictly on looks, a list of great websites for writers, sources from which to draw strong characters, a guide to social networking for an author, how to form a good online marketing plan, as well as an interview with two wildly successful authors from two very different genres of fiction.  WOW!

 

After the first read-through of the two magazines and a reflection on the workshops I enjoyed over the weekend, I tried to remember what it was like BEFORE I knew all of this.  Before I made connections both online and in person with fellow writers who had advice and knowledge to share with me.  Before I knew there were professional organizations full of people who wanted to help me “learn the ropes” and become a better writer.

 

And you know what?  I can’t really remember much.

 

The “community” I’ve become a part of because of my love of writing and my desire to write and write well have so influenced who I am as a writer.  The amount of “stuff” I’ve learned is staggering and invaluable.  The friendships I have made are some of the strongest I’ve ever had. 

 

The resources available to writers are legion.  If you are a writer, or even just an avid reader, I would encourage you to find an organization, or maybe several organizations, of like-minded people who can help you and receive help from you.  The relationships you create will change you and enhance your life in immeasurable ways.

 

I’m so grateful for the way I’ve been changed, as a writer and as a person, by the people and groups I’ve met along this journey.

The Genius of Boldness

"Whatever you can do, or dream you can do, begin it.  Boldness has genius, magic and power in it.  Begin it now."  ~ Goethe

I can't claim credit for this quote.  The beauty and eloquence of these words certainly isn't mine.  They belong to the great German poet/writer Johann Wolfgang von Goethe.  I can't even claim I went searching for Goethe's wisdom.  I happened up on this quote by accident, while piddling around at American Idol.  I'm a sucker for reality TV, even as scripted and manipulated as it is, and hey... I can't help but enjoy a show that's all about singing!

But back to my point.  If you've watched the show much this season, you've probably seen Scott McIntyre.  He's visually impaired, and one of the most gifted musicians I've ever seen on the show.  And when he performs, there is a genuineness and beauty that is difficult to describe with words.  Now, I haven't picked any real favorites yet this season... it's too early for that... but I do have a tremendous respect and appreciation for Scott.  So naturally, I took a look at his information the American Idol website.  That's where I found the Goethe quote.  It was listed as Scott's favorite quote.

I was immediately inspired and humbled. 

"Begin it."

"Boldness has genius."

"Begin it now."

I was challenged.  Challenged to remove self-pity from my attitude.  Challenged to stop dwelling on the things that aren't perfect in my life.  Challenged to stop blaming the circumstances of my life for the fact that my dreams haven't been realized.  Challenged to go after them boldly.

This young man, who is living what is probably the greatest dream of his life on American Idol, reminded me that the only thing holding me back for achieving my dreams is ME.  

So tonight, I will open my manuscript for the first time in weeks.  I won't think to myself how busy I am and how little time I have to write.  I will open the manuscript and write.  Even if it's only a few lines.  I will make the time.

Because it's my dream.

And I will begin it now.

Parenting 101... 6 months in the life

September:  Middle boy had Strep Throat

October: Middle boy had an e-coli Urinary Tract Infection... trip to the ER

November:  Middle boy had 3rd double ear infection of 2008

December: All 3 boys have stomach virus... youngest vomits and has diarrhea for 2 weeks

December:  Middle boy had 4th double ear infection of 2008... Dr. can't figure out which antibiotic to give him because he's had so many different ones since Sept.

January:  Oldest boy had upper respiratory infection

January:  Middle boy has tubes put in ears & a procedure by a urologist to stop future UTIs... outpatient surgery at the hospital

February: Youngest boy had ear infection & upper respiratory infection

February: Youngest boy has lymph node in lower jaw swell so bad we though he had the mumps... trip to the ER

March: Oldest now has Strep Throat

~ When I walk into the pharmacy, the clerks ask me... "Is someone sick AGAIN?"

My Oscar Picks!

Well, here they are... my Oscar predictions.  Maybe I should call them my "Oscar Hopes", since really, I'm no expert!.  I won't claim to have seen all the films that are big contenders, but I promise that all my predictions come from movies that I have seen!  

Best Supporting Actress... Marisa Tomei for "The Wrestler"

Why?  Well, because I think it was an incredibly brave role for the 44 year-old actress to take on.  Not that she doesn't look great, because let's face it, she does!  But I was most impressed with they way that she layered the character with a combination of pride, regret, hope, and resignation.  Did she want to be an exotic dancer forever?  No.  Had it always been her life's dream?  Of course not.  But did she beat herself up for doing what she had to do to support herself and her family?  Nope.  And did she have a plan for the future that included something other than exotic dancing?  YES!  The movie highlighted the fact that the other dancers she worked with were younger than her and that, according to many of the "patrons" of the club where she worked, she was "past her prime".  But you never saw her feel sorry for herself.  Instead, she pulled herself up by the bootstraps and made a life... and a plan... for herself.  She played her character with a balance of compassion and detachment that I'd imagine you'd need in order to live the life she lived, and even in her own less-than-great situation, she made time to be kind and sweet toward Randy (Mickey Rourke's character).  Her performance was heart-breakingly sweet, and, in my opinion, totally Oscar worthy.  

As an aside I'll add, that while I did love her in "My Cousin Vinny", a role she won the Oscar for in the early 90s, I loved her infinitely more in "The Wrestler".

Best Actress in a Leading Role... Kate Winslet for "The Reader"

Why?  She's absolutely amazing in this role.  I read the book "The Reader" a number of years ago, and she does an amazing job of bringing out the subtleties of the character that I remember from the book.  You see the genuine affection she has for young Michael, the tremendous desire she has for love and belonging.  You see her deep sadness at having to give that up in order to protect her secret.  You see her shame, her desperation to keep her secrets buried.  You see her determination, and her acceptance of what her life was and is.  I think this was an incredibly vulnerable role... and Winslet played it with a beautiful mix of strength and vulnerability.

Best Actor in a Leading Role... Mickey Rourke for "The Wreslter"

Why?  Because I love him.  And that should be enough!  HA!  But seriously, talk about vulnerable roles.  This one takes the cake.  A middle-aged pro-Wrestler at the end of his career, struggling to find a way to exist without the only thing he's ever known and depended on...  a man, a father, an employee who's burned more bridges that he can count and has practically no one he can turn to who would care.  Hits a bit close to home for Mickey Rourke, I imagine, which may be the reason he was able to play Randy "The Ram" Robinson with such grace.  I can't say enough about this movie, this role, and about Mickey himself.  I loved him in his older movies, and I love him even more in this one.  I love the attitude with which he as re-appeared in Hollywood circles, accepting his part in the demise of his earlier career and being grateful for the second chance this movie has given him.  He pulled out every trick from his acting arsenal for this role, but the most important thing he gave it was his heart.  And it paid off.  Oh, and did I mention that I love him?

Best Director... Stephen Daldry for "The Reader"

Why?  Because it's a beautiful movie.  Both in the "physical" sense and the emotional one.  It accomplished what the book accomplished, creating a bittersweet story of love, secrets, and pride.  From the beginning of the movie, you knew there was no way it could end well, no way it could all work out, but even knowing that, you couldn't imagine just how difficult the ending would be.  However, even with the heart-breaking ending, there was also victory for Hanna and closure for Michael.  This is my pick for best director because what played out on the screen was, in my opinion, what played out in my mind when I read the book.  And it took some inspired directing to accomplish that.

Best Picture... "Slumdog Millionaire"

Why?  Because it's a GREAT movie!  And it ends happily!  I hope I didn't just ruin it for any of you who haven't seen the film yet, but I'm so happy to see the Academy honoring a film that has a happy ending.  Honestly, that doesn't happen very often.  The movie made me angry as I watched what these characters endured as children, but then it made me cheer as I watched everything fall into place for Jamaal.  Latika escaped her "prison".  Salim redeemed himself.  The bad guys all got what was coming to them.  It was just an uplifting movie with beautiful cinematography and the kind of hope that you don't see that often in Oscar-nominated films.  I was skeptical when I watched it, but once I did, I understood the hype.  This is a fantastic movie!

Opinions?  Please share!  Especially if you've seen some of the nominated films that I haven't!

Reader Expectations vs. Author’s Creativity

I enjoy reading romance novels that are part of a series.  From Nora Roberts’ series, such as the Chesapeake series or the Irish trilogy, to J.R. Ward's Blackdagger Brotherhood series, it’s great fun to fall in love with characters and have them reappear again in later stories.  For me, it’s a completely different kind of satisfaction to see those beloved characters continue to be happy or continue to deal with obstacles in their lives, even after their “main” story is told.  And I like the liberties that the author is able to take with characters when they appear in several books.

However, I’ve noticed that this can be a slippery slope for authors, especially where avid fans are concerned.  It seems that some readers, after having read several books in an author’s series, develop certain “expectations”.  And while it’s true that after reading several books in a series, a reader can, with some degree of accuracy, make predictions about the characters’ behavior or the direction of a particular plotline, it’s important to remember that no matter what, it’s still the author’s story… the author’s characters… the author’s prerogative.  No matter how much time a reader has spent reading and re-reading a series of books, it’s a safe assumption that the author has spent considerably more time with those characters.

Of course, for the authors, I’m sure this is a delicate balance.  I have the privilege of knowing several authors who have published books in a series, and believe me when I tell you that they want to please their readers. No author ever wants to alienate readers, but the characters an author envisions eventually take on personalities and tendencies of their own, and the author sees the logical progression of their story as only the author can.

However, I think, as readers, it’s sometimes easy to lose sight of the fact that our expectations cannot trump an author’s creativity.  J.R. Ward’s last two books in the Blackdagger Brotherhood series have drawn criticism from readers who didn’t like the ending, didn’t like the direction of a certain plot, did think enough time was devoted to a particular character.  Suzanne Brockmann’s most recent additions to the Troubleshooters series have also come under fire from readers, some of whom have even gone so far as to accuse her of completely changing a character’s personality or trying to trick readers by eluding to a pairing of characters and then not delivering.  I won’t say I haven’t been guilty of some thoughts along those lines, but I like to think that I can respect the author enough to remember that she/he is the expert when it comes to these characters… not me.

It’s important for readers to be passionate about the books they love, but it’s also important to remember that, as readers, we can’t impose our own ideas or expectations on the author.  We must remember that the same creative mind that created the stories and characters that we loved in the beginning is the same mind that continues to create the subsequent stories and characters in the series.  We should have faith in the author, and if we can remain loyal, even through the books we may not love, before long, there will be another story that takes our breath.

Our expectations should never stifle an author’s creativity. 

That’s my opinion… what’s yours?